Sunday Nights

I am writing this on Sunday afternoon here in Chicago. Since I started working full time at my job almost four years ago, Sunday nights have sometimes been a struggle for me. I actually like my job and the people I work with quite a bit, but there can still be a sense of anxiety for the stresses of the week that lay ahead. I know there are emails waiting to be responded to, meetings that need to take place, deadlines to be met, and so on.

However, there is something I have started to notice. Once Monday morning rolls along, I don't worry about this stuff. I just go to work and get it done. Once I have a cup of coffee, say hi to my coworkers, start checking email, chipping away at the work is not that big of a deal. In other words, the anticipation of work is causing me more anxiety than the work itself. As the week progresses, my nights at home are less anxious, because the week is in full swing, and its not so bad.

Coming to this realization has helped me a lot. It doesn't mean I never feel anxiety anymore on Sunday nights. But it means that when I am feeling anxious, I can acknowledge it, take a deep breath, and remember that come tomorrow morning, I won't be that anxious anymore. This is just a passing emotion. It does not actually reflect how I feel about the work that I do.

I realize this may not work for everyone who dreads Sunday nights. Some people might actually have good reasons to be unhappy about their work: an unfair boss, dislikable coworkers,  an unrealistic workload, etc. But for me, it has helped me to remember that sometimes my anxiety isn't really warranted. Very rarely does going to work actually make me feel as anxious as I do on Sunday nights.

First

I'd like to start this blog by just explaining a little bit about me, and what I hope to accomplish here. I am 28 year old professional living in Chicago. I live a relatively "normal" life, rent a two bedroom apartment with my fiancee, have a good corporate job, and deal with the same pressures and stresses of most people in my generation.

Over the past few years I have dealt with some anxiety issues. Usually, when I am faced with a life decision (or even just a regular old problem), I am bogged down with a sense of anxiety, dread, or fear. It could be something minor like a car repair, work stress, family issues, or finances. Major life decisions create even more stress. When I took out a loan for my fist car purchase, I was up a couple nights agonizing over the decision. But I needed a car for my job. This was something I had to do.

I know this is something many people my age struggle with. The explanations for why this is the case are many: We were coddled as children and adolescents, told we were perfect, we expect to make our first million by the time we are 30, we expect life on a silver platter. And when we don't get these things, our generation freaks out. I think there might be grains of truth to these explanations, but I think there was more than that going on in my life. I think it has more to do with the effects our consumerist society, which is not limited to Millenials.

Anyway, about a year ago it all became too much. I knew I had to do something to not just cope with these anxieties better, but actually put things in a proper perspective. I saw a therapist, but only for a couple sessions. The sessions themselves had some usefulness, but the best outcome was some of the reading materials recommended to me. I began to explore writings about Zen and contemplative meditation. I still struggle with anxiety. I probably always will. But the last year of my life, through reading, meditating, adjusting my life philosophies and expectations, and just changing the perspective with which I view the world has helped me immensely. 

I would like to use this blog as a way to both release my everyday anxieties, but also as a way to share my approach with other people who deal with similar problems. I will talk about what has worked for me and share insight from others (who are much smarter than I). Hopefully, someone will read this and maybe talk about what has worked for them. I'd like to learn something too.

I am in no way an expert in Zen, Buddhism, meditation, or really anything - I can't even change my own oil. But I do think I have amassed some experience in coping with fear and anxiety that might hold some value. At least that is my hope.